Free indirect
Weekly writing prompt #187
On Monday, she woke up with a tickle in her throat. Her mind instantly flashed back to the day before when she saw a woman join the dance class wearing a face mask, only to take it off as class began so she could huff and puff through 60 minutes of choreo unimpeded. God, the entitlement—she must’ve gotten the whole studio sick that day! Or was it last weekend’s flight from Seattle? There was that man across the aisle who kept sneezing right into his hands and wiping it on his pants. With ample rest and fluids, the tickle had abated by the following day. A small miracle. Except the improvement was only an illusion. Mid-week brought a fresh onslaught of symptoms that would persist through the weekend, leaving her with a single leaky nostril to breathe through as she prepared this newsletter.
**
^Ok, so that was me (the narrator) describing my (the main character) sniffly week in third person. Notice how it starts off a bit distant with “On Monday…” then we zoom straight into my interior thoughts with “God, the entitlement…” and then we zoom back out to the symptoms?
Free indirect style is a way of blending more objective third-person narration with subjective first-person interiority without the use of “I,” quotation marks, or thought tags.
Direct: “God, the entitlement! She must’ve gotten the whole studio sick,” she thought.
Indirect: She thought about the woman’s entitlement and how she probably got the whole studio sick.
Free indirect: God, the entitlement—she must’ve gotten the whole studio sick!
Notice how the free indirect version renders the thought in its purest form. How voicey and close it is. The technique adds a more intimate feel to 3rd person POV and emphasizes your protagonist’s personality and worldview. It collapses the psychic distance between the reader and the main character—shrinking the POV “camera” down to an endoscope aimed right for your protagonist’s heart.
Now go write & fuck ICE,
Jamie
📝 This week’s writing prompt
Describe a recent inconvenience using free indirect style. Start wide then take us inward. Weave objectivity and subjectivity together so we get a blend of exposition and interiority.To submit your writing: reply to this email, comment on this post, or send to nowgowrite@substack.com by Saturday evening.
Last week’s submissions: Can I get a witness
If you submitted last week, check out the rest 👀
“It begins with a character, usually, and once he stands up on his feet and begins to move, all I can do is trot along behind him with a paper and pencil trying to keep up long enough to put down what he says and does.” — William Faulkner